Not a good day09/09/2010 07:09:22
Ok, so I am sitting at work in total agony yet again. My left foot is swollen and the pain is more than unbearable when walking, on top of the fact my right knee is starting to act up and I am just trying to walk without it buckling. Needless to say I am walking about 2 miles an hr asking people to just pass me up as not to block anyone's one way. I have honestly been downhill Since Friday the 3rd in which my right wrist and enire hand was hurting so bad (fibromyalgia) that for the first time I actually imagined myself cutting my hand off. Now I would never actually do that but when you are in that much pain you think of anything that will relieve you from that type of pain. I spent the evening crying like never before, no way to position my hand for relief. 2 1/2 hrs later when the meds finally kicked in, I dosed off to sleep. I have felt totally exhausted since then, Sunday was no picnic either. I could not shake the tired feeling. Even washing and curling my hair was a task. Everyday that I have pushed myself this week I keep telling myself I made it through another day.There are a couple things that make me mad, I know it is probably the truth but I get so tired of the dr's saying it is part of the disease. It almost makes you not want to even say anything because unfortunatley all they can say is it's part of the disease, to me it just makes it sound like anything you say is hopeless and basically you have to just deal with it. Today my boss at work made me so mad because we had a meeting on the 2nd floor of my building and the walk to and from was unbearable, I felt like i was not going to make it, but I did (barely), so anyway he could see I was in pain earlier in the day and did not say are you ok or anything, but rather I will make the meeting closer next time and that was only because I was taking so long to get back. That made me angry and it made me question why I keep pushing myself to come into a place not feeling good for people who really do not care or lack of caring to even research what there employess are going through. Maybe it is a supervisor rule to not get too close to the situation. But to me it's just human nature to ask your team how they are doing and then let them decide how much information to give. I wanted to scream "Do you even know what it took for me to be here" but realistically they don't care. As always I am so grateful to God for this outlet. I read the stories of all the strong women going through similar stories and it gives me strength. Let's continue to pray for a cure
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