step by step07/05/2008 04:07:04
So, now i am on chemotherapy for the next ten months. Prednisone, is another medication given to most of Lupus patients at the begining when the illness is active. I really did not like prednisone. All the side effects. The moon face( i looked like a cabbage patch doll), acne. Mood swings, made me think like i was crazy. I would cry for any old reason. I also lost a lot of hair on my head and gained the hair on my face. My appetite increased. I constantlly thought about food and what I was going to eat next. All those side effects and seeing myself in the mirror just made me extremely depressed.
Oh, Chemo was "Hell". I do not think anyother treatment can be worse then Chemo. At the time, I stayed over night in the hospital for treatments. Once a month for three days. A bit of burning when chemo went in to the vein. Something you don't forget very easily. I was given medication to make me sleepy and more relaxed. I really don't think it helped very much. I felt extremely sleepy but, could not sleep. Mostly walking around the unit the whole night, very drowsy. I think it was the next day or so, where the throwing up started. I would throw up for two days but, it felt much longer.
Coming home: dying to have a little bit of sleep and so weak could not climb the stairs . After a couple of setions, my hair started falling out.
For a eighteen year old to have no hair is extremely devastating. I felt so uncomfortable and self conscious. I kept away from my friends and never went out, until the chemo was over. The great news was that chemo did it's job. Lupus was in remission , kidneys were stable for the time being. I was told the kidneys were damaged and in time i would be on dialysis. Doctors did not know how long before that would take place. I had to make a choice to sit home and cry or just go on and see what happens.
For now: I would go back to school, with a wig . I have always been a sociable person but when i got the wig everything changed. I was so scared of anyone coming near me. I stayed as far as possible from everyone. "God for bid" if anyone tried to touch my hair. At the same time so afraid of it falling off. On windy days, I held on to my hair . Wishing i would make it inside before it flow away. It sounds funny now but, frightening at the time.
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